Fat boy slim

Hey guys, sorry that I kept you waiting for more of my stories. Some of you might be thinking that my blogging was just a one time mania, but let me assure you that it's not. I might not be very regular with the posts because you know, I've other things to do as well. Anyway, this post is a tribute to all those fat losers who are disgusted with their big corpulent bellies and humongous fat asses.

Some Fatass: "Who in the god's name are you to write about this?"
I: "Sorry to say, but I am one those who had been afflicted by this malicious and evil form of life. My innocence and obliviousness plumped me out. No more questions, only the story of my this part of life with continue."

Ok, this story starts from 2004, the point when I was about to enter college after 12th. Back then, I weighed around 67Kgs, rather underweight for my height. I was slim or maybe good looking (which I still am) & used to girls (none of them were pretty though) making passes at me. I was never worried & it didn't even come in the darkest of my dreams what was about to happen in the upcoming 4-5 months.

When I watched the movie Dhoom (Yeah, back then my movie taste sucked too), I was bedazzled by the attitude and style shown by actor John Abraham. I started daydreaming and pictured myself just like him. I mean, just face removed by mine and everything else the same. Well, don't judge me on this. None of us had a concept of actors/movies back then, and some of you still don't have it. We were in the state of oblivious where we would've appreaciated even Himesh Reshamiya. Anyway, after the movie, my frequency of going to the washroom increased tremendously (Don't get any wrong ideas, I am straight) because I couldn't live without watching myself in the mirror after every hour or so. I even bought a poster of John Abraham and stuck it up to the walls of my room. Three of my friends shared the same dreams, but unfortunately all of them looked like different arrangements of dried out bamboos in human's anatomical structure, but with a soul in it. It looked pretty easy for me to reach that goal. And so, I thought of building up some muscles by working out.

I had read somewhere that for building muslces up we have to eat a lot. Didn't read enough to find out what to eat. Mess @ IIT Bombay is good; you get to eat 4 times a day. My eating habit changed completely.

For breakfast: "Dude bread doesn't taste good, let's put some butter in it."
At Luncheon: "Dude, roti doesn't taste good, let's put some ghee in it".
At Snacks: "Dude, samosa doesn't taste good, let's put some butter on it."
At Dinner: "Dude, today's dinner sucks. I am going to canteen. Uncle, mera 2 cheese paratha."
At 12 a.m. "Dude, you feeling hungry? Let's go to canteen. Boss, mera 1 cheese maggi".
At 4 a.m. "Dude, up for maddu mess? Boss, mera 3 egg dosa."

And again breakfast @ 8:30. For the first 15 days I thought I was cruising.

One day, I tried to put on an old jeans, it was rather tight. Well, without much thought, I was happy: "I think doing the squats has paid out". That time I didn't really understand that It was I who was paying all out. After a month or so, I started too see that 2 of my friends were showing signs of workout, but the third one looked like more water has been sucked out of him. Anyway, I was happy with my performance too, since, my shirts and pants were getting tight day by day.
After 2 months, I started to feel that my clothes were getting so tight, that I even had problems in crouching down with my pants on. One day, one of my friends pointed out:

friend:"Oye Badal, you look big"
me: "Jeez, thanks dude"
friend: "No no, you really look big"
me: "Hmmm, gymming pays off"
friend: Thinking in his mind "?????????????????????"

After a few more days, I was getting ready for my morning class. I tried very hard to pull the pants on. Now the pants were so tight that they were kind of hurting my balls. I went into washroom to check out what was going on. I turned sideways to tuck my shirt in, and all of a sudden I caught a glimpse of my ass.

My first reaction: " What the f***? What the hell is going on".

I moved away a little bit to take a good look at it. My ass was protruding out like a whole sweater was stuffed between my pants and my ass. To be precise, it shaped like the curve a parabolic curve x=y² : y[-2,2]. I took my shirt off for more disappointment.

My second reaction: "Ye kya hai?"

Two tyre shaped bulges were coming out of both the sides of my waist. My mind went completely numb and body paralyzed for few minutes after seeing that horrible sight. I looked more like Himesh Reshamiya. I couldn't understand how and why it happened? The whole day I couldn't concentrate on anything. I spoke to my friend about this and he said "Well, I was trying to tell you about this that day, but you didn't understand what I actually meant". Suddenly everyone started noticing about my big ass. One of my friends (who looks mentally handicapped) even started calling me by the name Bedhole. I was so depressed with this that I stopped working out but didn't reduce my diet.

One day again, my friends and I went out for buying some new jeans' and stuff. When we entered a shop and were looking around, the shopkeeper came and said:

Shopkeeper: "Which waist size are you looking for sir?"
me: "2 months ago I checked it was 32"
Shopkeeper: "No problem, we will measure it again. It is 34 sir"
me (Little embarassed): "Ok show us some jeans"

Shopkeeper took out a jeans and gave it to me. I checked the waist size:

me: "Boss, ye to 36 hai"
Shopkeeper: "To kya hua sir? In two months you reached 34 from 32, within a month you will be there at 36. So why not invest in future?"
Friends: "hahahahaha"
me: "O bhen ki"

I was so heartbroken that I went to a weighing machine to check my weight. I came out to be 83Kgs. God damn it, in four months I had increased from 67 Kgsto 83Kgs. I was so embarassed that I took an oath that for the sem-break, I will go home and jog till I am back at 74Kgs. At home:

Me: "Mummaaa, kal hi to samose banaye the. Aaj kuch meetha, Moong ka halwa?"